There are some going through relationship breakdown who believe that an amicable separation would mean they wouldn’t get what they want. It would involve some sort of touchy-feely approach. That would mean they wouldn’t be able to make the other person “pay” for the hurt they’ve caused. Nor would they maximise their financial settlement.
These are those who believe they need a Rottweiler lawyer representing them. Hiring a Rottie seems like a good idea if it causes pain to the spouse who they see as responsible for the break up. They hope that an aggressive lawyer will also be so smart and difficult to handle that no other lawyer will be able to match them. This will lead to a swift and sweet victory. Except it never does. All that happens is that the problems increase, any children get drawn in and the conflict lasts longer. The only beneficiary will be the lawyer who you will have paid tens of thousands of pounds to.
Most people want to avoid
- A ten month long court battle
- Unmanaged conflict
- Regular confrontation
- Poring over the past
- A bad parenting relationship
- Upsetting the children through their adversary
- Having no understanding what their financial future might hold
- Having little understanding of the law
- Letting lawyers and judges make the decisions
- Getting a bad settlement
- Paying huge fees
Most people really want
- To stay out of court
- Manage the conflict
- Avoid confrontation
- Look to the future not the past
- Have a workable parenting relationship
- Do the best for their children
- Understand their likely financial futures
- Get information about any relevant law
- Stay in control of any decision making
- Reach a fair-minded settlement
- And pay fees that reflect real value
Family mediation is the most reliable way to achieve an amicable settlement. At its simplest it’s just you, your spouse and a professional mediator meeting together for two hour sessions. But it is infinitely flexible. Meetings can be shorter or longer. They can be scheduled fora half-day or a whole day. They can take place in a room, in separate rooms or over the internet via webcams. A financial coach and parenting coach can take part. So can lawyers if needed.
If you really want to get the best possible outcome and start your recovery sooner, speak to a mediator before you do anything else. They will assess whether mediation is going to be suitable. If it isn’t, they may refer you to a lawyer or suggest some other way of going about solving your problem.